The Fight for Community and Friendships

TW: mentions of suicide rates. This article was written by Spring 2025 Intern Lilly Maddox.

I think we can all say November was a terrifying time for the LGBTQ+ community. I remember one night, I burst into tears at my dining table when I heard suicide rates among LGBTQ youth rose staggeringly overnight. I’ve never picked up my phone faster. I texted every friend I could think of, from my trans and neurodivergent friend who I can talk to about my struggles with ADHD, to my aro/ace friend I play Minecraft with whenever I feel sad. I cannot even describe the relief I got when I was notified that all my friends were safe. 

But, in that moment, I felt a switch flick in my brain. I realized, I personally could no longer focus on myself and how I felt about the whole situation. That would have me just crying in my room for months, doing nothing. Which is a totally valid response- but not what I needed at the moment. I needed to do something about it, and I needed to be able to act in solidarity with my friends and others in the LGBTQ+ community. So I dried my tears, and searched on my phone “LGBTQ+ organizations near me,” and found out about Stonewall Alliance. I vowed that, as soon as I graduated highschool early in December, I would apply to work for them. And so, after a few months of working and waiting, I began a Stonewall internship. 

But I didn't expect that, in the process of interning for Stonewall, I'd learn how much I was isolating myself from community and friendships. I would grow to learn exactly how important these factors are when it comes to fighting for change in the modern world.

-Black History month and Joy in Communities-

Butterflies gnawed at my stomach the morning I arrived at the Stonewall Alliance Center’s parking lot. I, a new intern at Stonewall Alliance, had volunteered to work at our February Black History Month Pop-up for the whole day. It was my first event as an intern! But I couldn’t seem to swat my worries away, no matter how hard I tried. But then one person showed up to volunteer alongside me. Then another. And another. And each: “Isn’t the weather lovely?” and “How is your morning?” Slowly dissipated my nerves. Before we began to set up Stonewall Alliance’s booth, we saw a little brown and cream cat saunter down the street. I felt my heart lighten a smidge. I’ve always thought that whenever an animal showed up around me, be it as small as a yellow butterfly or as big as a spotted deer, good things were to come. And I was right! As the weather began to warm, droves of people began to appear to set up their booths. It was getting livelier by the second!

I felt further enthused as our DJ, DJ Dixon, began playing some pop tunes, and people began to dance their hearts out! It created an enchanting atmosphere, along with the gorgeous-smelling scents coming from Bolo’s cookout, and the masterful art curated by wonderful artists like Fifi’s Creations and Noble Art. Eventually my friend Clover, our event photographer, arrived. We toured the place together. And there were so many smiling faces and lovely compliments back and forth as we traveled from booth to booth. I’ve never felt more at home in a community before! 

Later I swayed and hummed gleefully to the music as I helped out with selling Stonewall Alliance’s merchandise. I remember my heart warming when Shelby, our advocacy and education coordinator here at Stonewall, said out of the blue: “I’m so glad you’re here, Lilly.” I was glad to be there, too. Bear with me here as I get a little cheesy, but being there made me realize what I was truly fighting for. When my internship work began to be slow and tiring at times, I’d remember the smiling faces of the people I met, and the beautiful art, food, and music they made. Such lovely things deserve to be fought for.

In the end, when you actually go out there to support your community, you realize how many people have your back. It then further motivates you to support them, as well. And I promise you- there are more people out there than you think, cheering you on. 

-Cabins, Friends, and Aromanticism-

After our Black History Month celebrations ended, I went right back to focusing on developing new updates to Stonewall Alliance's website- the main task I’ve been delegated as a Stonewall intern. During my routine check up on our instagram for any news I could display on the website, I was notified of Aromantic Awareness Week, which took place from February 16th to February 22nd. And I couldn't help but reminisce on my past- I have had quite a complicated experience with the aromantic spectrum. I’ve always had a clear picture of my life: I would have a small cabin of my own in the woods, I always told myself, and in that cabin I'd create art, write books, and live peacefully. But how romance fits into that dream, or if it does at all, has been something I've debated for quite a while now. 

Lilly Maddox, Stonewall Chico 2025 Spring Intern

lilly@stonewallchico.org

I remember the first time I’ve reconsidered my conceptions of romance, was one of the first times a person said they liked me romantically. In fact, I was the one who initiated it. Back in school, I asked a boy I liked if he'd like to go to the dance. And he did! But then, for a reason I am still unsure of, I was surprised and rather put off by his reciprocation. I talked about this with my friend who is on the asexual spectrum. As we were sitting criss-cross on the dirty lunch tables, eating some stale sandwiches, she brought up the term “aromantic” for a possible reason why I had such a complicated reaction to this boy's endearment. And I mulled it over. For a while. I dreamed of a possible future, where I would live with friends for my whole life, adopt a baby, and become a single mother. To be honest, it still feels quite wonderful to think of. 

I am still not sure where I lie on the spectrum. Whether I have ever actually even had a real crush I am not sure of, either. But spending some time and space questioning my relationship with romance, has given me a further understanding and gratitude of things besides it; that being friendships, families, and the smaller things in life. It is, after all, because of my friends that I volunteered to work at Stonewall. And so, over these past few weeks I made an effort to see my friends more. And through this, I found out how much I was depriving myself of community, and how much it was affecting my mental health. I’ll be completely honest, my mental health has never been that great in the first place. I’ve had all sorts of chemical imbalances in my brain since I was little- such is a part of being neurodivergent, I’m afraid. But now, after really making an effort to get out of my comfort zone and into my community (and with therapy and the right medication), I feel the happiest I have in years. And what a relief it has been. Now with my mental health improving, I feel more and more excited and get out there and advocate for our community some more.

So please, go out there in your community and friendship circles. You don’t have to be in the streets protesting to make an impact. Sometimes all it takes is making art and expressing yourself, or being present for your friends and community, or spreading kindness and knowledge where you can. It does wonders for our own mental health, too. And we cannot fight with others if we are already fighting a battle within ourselves. But if and when you are ready to stand up for yourself or others, don’t wait for someone to do the fighting for you. We must all fight together if we really want change. And what a lovely community we have to fight for.

Stay safe out there. Much love,

Lilly